Today I wanted to share something about self confidence with all of you because I know that there are people out there who don’t have a lot of self confidence and I would like to tell you how I got it back so that maybe I can help some people with it
I’ve discovered in my own life that sometimes you have to dig really really deep to find the source of your lack of self confidence. That can be a pretty long and hard journey but I can tell you, in the end it’s so worth it and you might even surprise yourself once you know where it actually comes from!
When I grew up I was never aware of the fact that I was different if it wasn’t for the other kids at elementary school who bullied me for it. That’s how I became aware of the fact that I didn’t fit it and I wasn’t considered ‘normal’. I was too tall, I liked to do boy things, people told me that my shoulders where to big and kids always told me that I had a witch nose and that became my nickname for about 8 years. I learned how to be quiet and to be a wallflower because I didn’t want to be a target of mental abuse all the time.
1,5 year ago I found out that these memories were my foundation for my lack of self confidence and that I wasn’t even aware it! Never ever would I have thought that those hurtful words of those little kids all the way back then would follow me around in different ways of my life such as bad thinking patterns, bad habits, addictions and many other things that I didn’t have an answer to.
1,5 Year ago after analyzing my life for 24 years I realized that I got lived by old emotions and people that I didn’t even have in my life anymore. My current situation was completely different from what it was back then in elementary school and yet my entire life got influenced by it still.
I wondered why I got lived by other people’s judgemental behaviour and found out that it was because I didn’t taught myself how to really except myself because I always thought that I wasn’t good enough and that I never would be good enough. It became a way of living to me and I was sick and tired of it.
Once I realized that I wanted to get rid of it I had to find my own way out so this is what I did.
1) I had to really become aware of the problem and the effects of it in my daily life.
2) Once I found out how it affected me and my life I had to forgive myself because I felt very angry, stupid and ashamed at first that I got lived by a bunch of little kids who bullied me 20 years ago. I got out of that anger by excepting myself and if you except yourself you can let go of that shame after some practise. I’m a human being so yes I do care what others think about me but I don’t need to get lived by them anymore, live is too short to get lived by others and if you tell yourself that often enough It can be life changing
3) So what happened is, I found out that I had a problem, I looked at it, excepted it, let go of the shame and then you can forgive yourself. (This does take time)
4) After you forgive yourself and you except that you’re human and that you make mistakes all of a sudden it will become a little easier to talk about it with other people if you feel the need to. Remember, it’s your life and only you can live it once so whatever it is that they’ll say to you, it’s up to you what you want to do with it Sharing it with others can feel like a relieve and if you think it’ll make you feel better and you’re ready for it then go for it. That’s basically the last step to heal the wounds. At least that’s how it was like for me
The most important way to freedom for me is not to lock yourself up anymore with old emotions. You don’t need to get lived by old emotions in a new situation because you deserve to live a pure and full, honest life. Never forget that!